I should warn you. I am a HUGE Strokes fan, so this post will probably be incredibly biased. You might feel compelled to simply stop reading here and assume that I go on to rant and rave about how awesome the set was--a set you likely did not attend. I ask you however to bar any preconceptions you have and hear my experience of the show, not my pointless opinion about how fucking awesome it was (because let’s face it, it was fucking awesome).

The Strokes are the closing act on Saturday at Outside Lands, so I have to suffer most of the sub-par, obscure bands playing. After waiting several hours with some friends on a hill next to the Twin Peaks stage, we finally approach the stage right before Cat Power begins her set. The plan is perfect. The Strokes immediately follow Cat Power, so we will be in a prime spot to watch them play. The plan works to an extent. We aren’t in the front row, but we’re close enough. Soon a mass of hippies high as shit and hipsters trashed on Steel Reserve descend upon our merry band. Within minutes we are squished up against everyone around us.

“Despite what it might seem like, I’m not trying to rape you” I tell the girls standing in front of me. We all laugh at the insanity of the situation. But it doesn’t matter. Not the stench of weed, nor the back aches, not even the stupid trixies with their bro boyfriends who yell about everyone pushing. “Why the fuck are they even at outside lands” I think to myself, “shouldn’t they be drinking pink panty dropper and buying Ed Hardy shit?”. I forget about all those annoyances the second the Strokes take the stage. They start the set with “New York City Cops”, an adrenaline-fueled tale of escapades in the New York City nightlife. The crowd begins to rustle and move. Suddenly everyone is falling over onto each other as the crowd moves and sways like some sweaty, smelly amoeba. We laugh and shout along. The crowd settles down a few songs into the set and the rest goes without incident. 

Everyone agrees afterwards. Best. Concert. Ever. We knew every note of every song, yet it all sounded fresh and improvised as if they were creating the songs right then and there. It’s something that words (and even video) so inaccurately capture. I implore any reader to go see a band they love live. Aside from financially supporting them, you will experience, and continue to experience, their music in a different dimension. I would, however, not recommend seeing some pop diva or gagaesque “artist”, but an actual band. I only suggest this because those megastars tend to put on a show, instead of performing their music. They will wow you with their dance moves and their avantgarde outfits and their ability to sing while suspended 100 feet in the air. However, you will likely hear a shittier version of their overprocessed top ten hit and would ultimately be disappointed were it not for the other parts of their show. I conclude this post by saying, I know that last part was ridiculously opinionated but you can just shove it.

And by shove it, I mean comment on it.
 
 
We’ve all been through it. You’re enjoying a family barbecue when a well-meaning aunt approaches you to ask the one question you hate answering. You know she is simply making conversation, but in your mind you imagine yourself telling her to “Stick it where the sun don’t shine!” In reality, you force a smile upon your face and politely stumble through a sufficient answer. Yet not even five minutes later, your uncle approaches you with the same question and you repeat the routine. By the end of the evening you’ve been asked the same question a dozen times and you’re ready to go apeshit on the next person who dares to talk to you.

We’ve collected 5 such questions and and a few colorful responses (which we’d never dare actually use, but which provide some twisted satisfaction). Feel free to add to our list.

1. What are your plans for after graduation?
  • Well currently, I plan to squander my education and become a street performer. I’m thinking of doing something that involves ribbon dancing and fire.
  • I plan to spend my days searching for old friends on Facebook. I don’t plan to actually contact them. I purely want to see if they got fat. 
  • I’m pursuing an opportunity to work for a multinational conglomerate that exploits third world child laborers and fuels multiple ethnic genocides. I’m can’t wait to get started. 
2. Where are you living?
  • Well, now that I lost everything by investing in sub-prime mortgages, I plan to be a motivational speaker and live in a van down by the river.
  • My parent’s house. I plan to mooch off them for as long as I can.
  • I don’t have a job. I don’t have a girlfriend. So right now I’m taking advantage of the subway cars.
3. Are you seeing anyone?
  • Yes I’m having an affair with my boss. I know it’s not long-term, but it's hard to get a job in this economy.
  • No I am still single, but thanks for reminding me that I have yet to maintain an actual relationship.
  • No but I manage to get drunk and hook up with douchebags every Saturday night.
4. Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?
  • Living at my parent’s house. I told you--I plan to mooch off them for as long as I can.
  • I have no fucking idea. I’m so drunk right now I can’t see where I’ll be in the next 5 feet.
  • Pursuing a significantly older divorcee who is only using me to return to the dating scene, after which I can hope to be left with nothing more than another reference for my resume.
5. When are you going to give me grandbabies?
  • I don’t know grandma. Probably when I can find a guy who is willing to stay with me for more than one night.
  • I don’t plan to have children. I plan to become a workaholic and spend my weekends having meaningless sex with the office slut.
  • I already have. You didn’t know that I birthed a bastard child back in high school?
 
 
“The old believe everything: the middle-aged suspect everything: the young know everything.” Oscar Wilde penned this phrase over one hundred years ago in his book Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young, from which this blog derives both its title and inspiration. While we agree with the intimations of Wilde’s statement, we’d like to elucidate one point. We disagree that the young actually know everything, as much as they desire to know everything. In light of this, we created an outlet in which we can share with and learn from other individuals in their 20s. We recognize that wisdom comes from experience and we won’t pretend to be experts in anything, but as we figure things out we hope to establish phrases for the young to live by.